Her potential is my joy…

This weekend was beautiful…I watched my youngest daughter do a karate demo on Saturday afternoon and I teared up…mostly because I witnessed her really feeling her power from deep inside. The power that I tell her all the time that she possesses, but often has a hard time tapping into. I was really proud of her. She is dreamy, quiet, artistic, very intuitive and she most definitely has a voice that she will use when she wants to be heard…hmm, I wonder where she gets that from ;).

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I saw a side of her, a glimpse of the powerful potential that she has and it really made me proud. My daughter did not know that I was having a “mom” moment, in which I silently remarked at how she has grown and thought about what she will be like as a woman. I just took it all in, grateful through and through for everything that has brought her this far and hopeful for what lies ahead in her young life. Here is to the memory makers, dream catchers and love creators…I salute you…

 

Summer days, New ways…of BEing

This summer, I took a road trip to Michigan while I was in Maryland to visit with some of my beautiful sisters and share in the energy of the New Moon in Leo. The vibe was lovely, the energy was radiant and I felt my spirit rise from the love I felt. I felt overcome with joy and laughter as I connected on an emotional level with other women; sharing a common bond was like water to my soul. The encouragement to freely embrace myself where I am in my life yet desire for more was laid upon my psyche like a reassuring warm blanket. I also felt warmth and security with my family in Maryland as I always do. I felt my spirit become energized with each laugh I shared, or loving glance and also as I watched my girls create their own memories this summer in Maryland with our family and friends. I cherished this time for I knew it would pass all too soon and it did. I made the drive back home to Florida, memories in tow and no tears were shed during the drive. However, as I typed this and remembered my time at the ocean last night to welcome the Full Moon, I cried. I knew it was a form of releasing and cleansing for my Spirit…and so I welcomed the tears.

from the blog www.stuckincustoms.com

 

My trip to Maryland allowed me the chance to nurture a part of myself that had subconsciously been forgotten. The mysterious part of myself that has a voice and has always been there, making me the woman I am.  I have heard her speaking for so long, but I heard her as a whisper, barely audible. Had she been there all along awaiting her turn to be heard? For years I placed her neatly on a proverbial shelf, like a book, checking in with her once in a while. But most recently, this year to be exact, she shouted so long and so loud that I could no longer ignore her. She demanded recognition and attention and would no longer settle for anything less.

 

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This summer, I remembered how, as a little girl, my intuitive and adventurous side led the way; and how connected I was to my feelings. I was not afraid of being in nature and I loved everything about it. Walking in the woods, swinging freely on rope swings and climbing trees high into the sky excited me to no end. Skinned knees from bike races, splinters or fear never stopped me for long. My passion was unwavering as a little girl. Often I would use the term “tomboy” to describe myself as a child, but I’d like to think that I was more spirited than anything else.  As I took my girls to the home in Maryland where I spent my younger years, memories of running around the yard, picking juicy, dark blackberries off of the blackberry tree and hiding in the tall bamboo plants came rushing in. I warmly recalled how vibrant and enchanting it was to tap into those childhood memories. I also remember how much I had to say, at a very young age. I was aware of my voice and how speaking my thoughts caused either positive or negative reactions with those around me.

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Somewhere along the way though, my voice quieted…It became easier to just say what others wanted to hear and be accepted than to really express myself and risk rejection or disapproval. I still had a voice, a passion and desire to be heard but the overwhelming need for approval took over and that need began to silence my spontaneity. My life experiences, quiet time alone, motherhood, my relationships, my losses and my undying will to dig deeper has kept me going and has awakened the sleeping Grizzly bear out of her slumber. I am a woman who finds passion in being her unique self and who has a voice that echoes like thunder if she wills it to. It feels so good to remember this about myself and to be among those who know their power and are not afraid of it.

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I rekindled with that aspect of my being, vowing that I would never reject my true feelings; my voice.  When we have done something for so long, without giving a  thought to it, it becomes second nature; a habit. For a long time I was used to allowing others to speak for me, and thought it was okay because of who they were to me.  I didn’t want to disappoint those that I loved and I didn’t want to disagree too often for it was too much work. But what happens inside when we take that route in life? The delicate balance inside of us becomes imbalanced, we lose our voice and along with it our power. I also learned that my voice could be expressed with nonverbal action. As much as I love to use words to create articles, poems and stories, I enjoy using action as a way to express myself even more.

My family road trip is now over. I have beautiful pictures and memories swirling around in my head to remember my journey. I also have a new path, more clarity and a voice that will speak volumes as everything begins to unfold around me. I have been among other beautiful souls who speak with strength, who move with grace and defined purpose and they are all my mirrors, my reflections. I cherish the time that I had to go deep within my spirit this summer. Now is the beginning of a new awareness about myself  that I will embrace fiercely and purposefully. Love will continually be my guide. Peace and Light.

 

 

The balance of motherhood

“Motherhood is a sacred dance; a second chance to see the purity in our being.”~Lisalotusqueen

I am not my past mistakes…Lately, I have felt the need to resonate with this mantra when I hear my ego whispering in my ear, “Haven’t you been down this road before?” My spirit counteracts this energy with “you are not who you used to be; “you have grown and are still growing, like a beautiful flower.”

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As mothers, we are caretakers, matchmakers, lovers, creators; we can do so much. But, we are also prone to being “superwoman” during our journey as mothers, needing to take care of everything at all times. I had chosen this way of being and did it effortlessly, or so I thought. I was burning myself out and didn’t even realize until the signs became loud and clear.

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Growing a tiny human as a woman and then growing that same child as a mother is one of the most misunderstood yet amazing feats ever taken in life. I have caught myself feeling overwhelmed at the prospect before me and became doubtful more often than not. “You are such a wonderful mother, your children are so sweet, you are doing a great job!” Those are strengthening words to a mother but if she doubts herself, they won’t matter too much. I have felt unsure often, but I thrived off of the peace I felt within, knowing I was doing my best. It has been easy most days, but difficult as well. I felt the need to hide my tears; I’m not supposed to cry about this! I have this motherhood thing down like a science…and I do, I know how to expertly care for my children. I love them endlessly, I feed them healthy foods so they can grow big and be well, we head out to the park for hours of play, and we read bedtime stories almost every night. But what about the times when I don’t have a quick remedy or I feel uncertain? I realized the best thing I could do in those moments was allow my children to see me in my vulnerability. When we can reveal that side to our children, the connection we have with them is more genuinely felt. After all, don’t many children readily express their emotions with us on a daily basis without any inhibitions?

My children have seen me grieve, cry, laugh and even be scared and I’m proud to say that. I’m a human being first and foremost; with a range of emotions and imperfections. I used to think that somehow I had to push all of that under a rug for their sake, and I have, many times. I wanted them to know that I would not fall apart, I would keep it together, even if I had to pretend for a while. Their peace of mind was extremely important to me and still is. But what we forget is how resilient children are, we really don’t give them credit for the tenacity they possess.

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My children know and sense the protective lioness energy in their mama, but they also know that I have been weak. So on Mother’s day, I salute us and send precious love to all mothers on this unforgettable journey. We are stronger than we know but it is also okay for us to express our emotions. Motherhood seems to be under-appreciated in the West, and it is pretty evident. We have to jump through many hoops when we begin wearing that title, and why? We really thrive so much better when we have a sense of being; of community that upholds us in our role as mothers and encourages us. The dance of motherhood is a sacred dance, we see our children through many stages in life; infancy, childhood, adolescence and finally adulthood. We do all of this without clear guidance as to what to do in each stage; we learn by trial and error very often. We are unique, extraordinary and amazing women to be able to balance all of that and more. Motherhood is undoubtedly one of the greatest mysteries of life. Relating to our children in all stages of their lives as we enter different stages in our own lives is a testament to our depth and capabilities as mothers.

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“Mother Love” by Artclee (DevianArt)

Love is always stronger than pride

I decided to take it easy this evening, I would enjoy a warm bath with candles for light and music from one of my favorite Pandora stations. I listened intently as Sade’s sultry voice belted out the lyrics to “Love is stronger than pride”. I love that song with a passion; specifically the lyrics and the emotion I feel as I allow the music to penetrate down deep within my heart space. For awhile I imagined myself far away, listening to waves crash against the shore as I stared out with stars in my eyes. I thought of what Sade might have been feeling when she wrote this song and I telepathically thanked her for such a gift to the “love songs” category. I was in deep thought tonight and it was nice to reflect on how far I have come with the notion of love indeed being stronger than pride.