Fully engaged…

Engaging all of my senses in the now…another day is done. I’ve felt the joy of being alive; happy about nothing at all and everything at the same time. The candle I’ve been burning since the Full Moon is now melting down, further and further, the light barely a whisper. Music floods my ears and peppermint tea tickles my throat with coolness…I’m thinking about life and how it flows so effortlessly at times. It’s not hard to expect it to but I’ve been used to obstacles and “working” my way through…a subconscious habit for real. I can choose to adjust my thinking and it feels good knowing that I’ve been working on doing just that. I imagine my thoughts as light as feathers as I learn and yearn to relinquish control in this great big universe…

northern-lights-ronni

 

Reflecting on the Past, loving the Present; embracing the Future

I wrote this piece some time ago…I took it out and read it today, feeling so drawn to the words and also reflective; noting the changes that have taken place since I’ve written this…

“She is a “good” woman by society’s standards; she is happily married, with two beautiful children, lives in a wonderful community, works part-time, writes in her spare time and loves to go out with her friends when she has “free” time. She feels so blessed and thankful for such a rich life. Family and friends that are as close to her heart as the moon is to the stars. She ponders life often, wonders about its mysteries and feels excited about its many possibilities. She does her best to stay in the moment, enjoying the sunshine, the joy; going through the rain and sometimes the pain. Learning that sometimes, instead of trying to stay dry, she should let the rain pour over her and through her soul, symbolically cleansing what might be stagnant and old. The thing is, she settles; she makes excuses for herself and later regrets them, always masking how she really feels…She is trying to rise above the stress that has built up over time. She doesn’t want to keep doing the same thing and hoping for a different outcome, for that would be insanity. She will not be afraid, even when those she loves the most let her down…She has to turn things around, she often feels overwhelmed and heavy with so many changes in so little time. She wonders why at times she is treated like she committed a crime when all she did, wants to do and needs to do is be herself. There is such a place where she can be herself; for she knows it well, it is deep inside her soul. She has been, it is a place where she can laugh, smile and enjoy just being at peace with those around her. How freeing it is to be accepted…we should never take for granted the relationships we have with those who love us…who really love us and don’t waste precious time criticizing or fault-finding. Life is too short, leave words of love rather than words of fear or anger; for tomorrow is not promised.”

see_you_tomorrow___by_kzirb-d331xo9

When I wrote this piece, I was having some inner turmoil, I knew that my life needed to change and soon. I have been a master at disguising my pain behind a smile, a laugh and even telling myself that I was okay when deep down, I wasn’t. I felt like a failure when I couldn’t just “be happy” with everything that I had in my life. But there are two things that cannot long be hidden; the moon and the truth…My truth was trying so hard to come out, but I suppressed it…and I suffered when I suppressed it…many things have changed in my life since, but it is truly an ongoing road for me…the journey has not ended, it has begun and I have been going places I never even imagined. I allowed myself to shine from the inside out, and it feels so freeing, so alive, so right. I love the woman I have become so far, she is a testament to BEing authentic and real.

I’m letting go!

Let go

I love to have music playing in the background when I’m writing, it really inspires me and gives me extra creative energy. Perhaps it’s that duality playing itself out in my Gemini mind, always seeking to do more than one thing at a time. I don’t mind though, it keeps my mind churning. So, as I was getting into my YouTube playlist; a favorite tune of mine exploded into my ears; Janelle Monae’s “Lettin’ Go”. As I listened to the words, I felt the message loud and clear. I felt the pull to let it all go, the worries, the fear, the anxiety about my life. I went to the ocean last night and basked in the Full Moon energy of Scorpio, I honored the new stage I am now entering in my life. The stage of “letting go.” And what a cheerful way to honor this stage, listening to this song and allowing its upbeat tempo to flood me with joy. It truly is something to celebrate. I have held on too long, to perceived outcomes, to my pride and to strong emotional reactions to things I cannot control. I prepared myself for this time by clearing my living space, clearing my mind and opening my heart to new possibilities. When I let go, I make room for my spirit to grow like the flowers and plants in a well nourished garden. What are you letting go of?