Letting go of Facebook

I want to share some things that have been happening in my life. First of all, I deleted my Facebook account! I have deactivated my account before and stayed off of it for a few weeks…but I would go back. A couple of weeks ago, I simply deleted it and haven’t turned back. It was time to just go through with it…Things seemed so stagnant for me on Facebook. I honestly felt like I was drowning in a sea of folks whose faces I have never even seen, yet they could see so much of my private life. Yes, it was helpful to have ways that I could control my account, but that’s just it! Facebook was actually controlling my actions subconsciously, more than I felt comfortable with. And I didn’t make the connection until I was fully disconnected from it. Who would notice my absence? What were my days like before I even had an account? I have always enjoyed deep communication, and sharing common interests, it is the stuff of life. I was on Facebook for roughly about ten years. It was fun engaging in conversations with people from all over the world; some which turned into physical friendships and relationships that may have never happened without Facebook.

So honestly, I am thankful for what I gained but I am also observant. You can only squeeze so much juice out of a fruit before it has nothing left, only memories of its sweet nectar. Perhaps I will return but in my own time, and I will start fresh. Facebook wouldn’t be as popular among its users if we took the time to look at our own lives and cherish them. It can be a great deterrent to what is truly important. These days, I am busy getting my writing goals up to par, entertaining more book ideas, gardening, spending time each day giving thanks and checking out other social media platforms. I felt a little sad about my blog posts not being automatically shared via Facebook but then I thought of the new experiences I am destined for. I think about how I have to give birth to a new me; which is timely being that my birthday is very close now.

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Often, the biggest decisions are made on the spur of the moment but end up having a great impact on our future. Every minute of our lives counts and how we decide to spend our time is ours to choose. I love that I am growing and changing under the sun; regenerating myself. I didn’t make a big announcement when I decided to delete my account, I just did it. I knew my tribe, my biggest fans, my friends and my heart strings would feel me; even in my unspoken way of going about this. I also didn’t want to impose my decision on others; it was my personal choice and I felt at peace. So that is honestly all that mattered. Cheers!

Second Childhood

Often, our spirit is usually light years away from the heaviness of the mind…wanting to let go of past pain, stagnant relationships and even ego…but we mentally hold on…we hold on because we never thought freedom was possible, and we are so used to how things have been that change can actually be “painful.” I’m learning that life is not “happening to me”…it’s teaching me beyond my limited scope of thinking that I have more of an active part in it than I ever thought…

I’m ready to put my superwoman cape back up in my closet and allow it to collect dust. I miss being vulnerable, open and free. I’m over being “tough” on the exterior, it’s not fun anymore…I want to rest easy in the arms of life’s beautiful moments, no longer feeling the need to protect my softness but share it. The lessons have been learned, oh yes indeed they have and writing about my journey has been more than a release. I can’t wait to embrace what’s next…

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Affirmations

I love affirmations, but honestly, I could be practicing the ritual of using them a lot more often than I currently do. I have to affirm what is, what was and what will be…always.

I am enough…

My creativity is the key to true success.

I see love reflected daily.

Laughter is healing to my soul.

My past is a part of me but will not decipher my future.

I love my home, it is a beautiful space that nourishes me and my family.

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Peaceful places…

There is something so magical, so special about being in the forest…all around me life is constantly unfolding, everything has a purpose. Faeries abound in tiny flowers, bees buzz around, oblivious to me watching in wonder. Shadows are cast when the clouds cover the sun’s light, but I am never afraid. I once was lost in the forest, and found my way out by using moonlight as my guide. I was nervous, a little uneasy but not frightened for I knew I was safe. Telling that story now will bring a smile, but it didn’t at first for a long long while. It is amazing how events in our lives can change how we see things. All it takes is an experience or two or more to see with new eyes. I know that Earth is our mother, she gives life in so many ways…forever grateful am I for this truth. She gives us carpets of beautiful flowers, thick lush greenery, water so pure, and endless paths to walk along to see it all. Why don’t more people spend time in such places? We cannot find this via apps on our phones, oh yes, there are pictures, but BEing in this space gives us the peace we are so busy trying to find elsewhere…

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Nurtured by nature

My mind right now is like a blank canvas…Perhaps I can color it with thoughts of beautiful things…like the unfolding of a butterfly’s wings after she emerges from her cocoon. Lately, I have not felt much like going to places where there is so much noise that I cannot focus on my own thoughts…I have found solace in nature, and peace of mind. It has been my place of refuge, the trees sheltering me and giving me a sweet and soft breeze. I am home in the places where birds chirp and the webs of spiders glisten in the sunshine. Nature is so nurturing…tapping me softly on the shoulders and giving me new visions. In the stillness, I am at peace.

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Emotional Prison

Recently, as time has passed, I have been in the energy of releasing the need to be emotionally locked in to my feelings and how they are expressed. Being in this emotional prison had me in a cycle of constant worry about how the things I expressed would be accepted. But why worry if I am operating from a place of love? When I’m operating from that genuine space, the masks are removed, it is just me and spirit. This is where I need to be always…in a place of authenticity. It is an ongoing journey, but I feel that so much growth has taken place inside my heart.

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Still growing

“I am not my past mistakes.” Lately, I have felt the need to resonate with this mantra, especially when I hear my ego whispering; “haven’t you been down this road before?” But then my spirit counteracts that energy with, “you are not who you used to be; you have grown and are still growing, like a beautiful flower.”

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Summer days, New ways…of BEing

This summer, I took a road trip to Michigan while I was in Maryland to visit with some of my beautiful sisters and share in the energy of the New Moon in Leo. The vibe was lovely, the energy was radiant and I felt my spirit rise from the love I felt. I felt overcome with joy and laughter as I connected on an emotional level with other women; sharing a common bond was like water to my soul. The encouragement to freely embrace myself where I am in my life yet desire for more was laid upon my psyche like a reassuring warm blanket. I also felt warmth and security with my family in Maryland as I always do. I felt my spirit become energized with each laugh I shared, or loving glance and also as I watched my girls create their own memories this summer in Maryland with our family and friends. I cherished this time for I knew it would pass all too soon and it did. I made the drive back home to Florida, memories in tow and no tears were shed during the drive. However, as I typed this and remembered my time at the ocean last night to welcome the Full Moon, I cried. I knew it was a form of releasing and cleansing for my Spirit…and so I welcomed the tears.

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My trip to Maryland allowed me the chance to nurture a part of myself that had subconsciously been forgotten. The mysterious part of myself that has a voice and has always been there, making me the woman I am.  I have heard her speaking for so long, but I heard her as a whisper, barely audible. Had she been there all along awaiting her turn to be heard? For years I placed her neatly on a proverbial shelf, like a book, checking in with her once in a while. But most recently, this year to be exact, she shouted so long and so loud that I could no longer ignore her. She demanded recognition and attention and would no longer settle for anything less.

 

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This summer, I remembered how, as a little girl, my intuitive and adventurous side led the way; and how connected I was to my feelings. I was not afraid of being in nature and I loved everything about it. Walking in the woods, swinging freely on rope swings and climbing trees high into the sky excited me to no end. Skinned knees from bike races, splinters or fear never stopped me for long. My passion was unwavering as a little girl. Often I would use the term “tomboy” to describe myself as a child, but I’d like to think that I was more spirited than anything else.  As I took my girls to the home in Maryland where I spent my younger years, memories of running around the yard, picking juicy, dark blackberries off of the blackberry tree and hiding in the tall bamboo plants came rushing in. I warmly recalled how vibrant and enchanting it was to tap into those childhood memories. I also remember how much I had to say, at a very young age. I was aware of my voice and how speaking my thoughts caused either positive or negative reactions with those around me.

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Somewhere along the way though, my voice quieted…It became easier to just say what others wanted to hear and be accepted than to really express myself and risk rejection or disapproval. I still had a voice, a passion and desire to be heard but the overwhelming need for approval took over and that need began to silence my spontaneity. My life experiences, quiet time alone, motherhood, my relationships, my losses and my undying will to dig deeper has kept me going and has awakened the sleeping Grizzly bear out of her slumber. I am a woman who finds passion in being her unique self and who has a voice that echoes like thunder if she wills it to. It feels so good to remember this about myself and to be among those who know their power and are not afraid of it.

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I rekindled with that aspect of my being, vowing that I would never reject my true feelings; my voice.  When we have done something for so long, without giving a  thought to it, it becomes second nature; a habit. For a long time I was used to allowing others to speak for me, and thought it was okay because of who they were to me.  I didn’t want to disappoint those that I loved and I didn’t want to disagree too often for it was too much work. But what happens inside when we take that route in life? The delicate balance inside of us becomes imbalanced, we lose our voice and along with it our power. I also learned that my voice could be expressed with nonverbal action. As much as I love to use words to create articles, poems and stories, I enjoy using action as a way to express myself even more.

My family road trip is now over. I have beautiful pictures and memories swirling around in my head to remember my journey. I also have a new path, more clarity and a voice that will speak volumes as everything begins to unfold around me. I have been among other beautiful souls who speak with strength, who move with grace and defined purpose and they are all my mirrors, my reflections. I cherish the time that I had to go deep within my spirit this summer. Now is the beginning of a new awareness about myself  that I will embrace fiercely and purposefully. Love will continually be my guide. Peace and Light.

 

 

Summer surprise

I felt the nudge to get outside this afternoon, away from work and from my computer screen for a bit. I’m visiting my family in Maryland for a couple of weeks and truly enjoying the summer days here. It is bringing back memories of when I used to embrace the warm summers knowing that winter would return before long.

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As I made my way into the afternoon sunshine I felt a breeze wrap around my body, bringing with it a sweet, intoxicating scent of flowers. I made myself comfortable in a chair situated right in the center of my family’s garden. I looked around at all of the precious flowers and plants surrounding me, feeling so at home and in my element. I heard birds singing, a neighbor laughing and then I kind of drifted into my thoughts. I looked up just in time to capture the most beautiful moment. Right in front of me there was a Petunia growing and I saw a little green hummingbird hovering above the purple and red flowers; darting in and out of them.

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I sat so very still, watching this little miracle of a bird and I admired her very being. She was so pretty and so tiny; green feathers and wings buzzing so quickly that in a few moments she was gone. I smiled inside and out, feeling so thankful that I had come outside at just the right time. I watched as she flew off back into the trees from where she came…and then I wrote my thoughts in my journal; feeling so happy to have this story to share.