Gangster Goddess…

2016 was that year…it tested me and my strength in ways I could have never imagined, but in essence, I found out what I am truly made of…I can be soft as a feather but also tough as nails! I felt like I was in “gangster mode” for a good portion of the year, always needing to watch my side, front and back…I feel so ready to let all of that go. I feel as though trust and I have become long lost friends…so I salute 2016 with a hearty “thank you” and goodbye, your lessons will never be forgotten…it is time to let go. Let go of anything that told me I cannot, because I can and I will. I have come out of my shell, I have come out of hiding, I have stopped making excuses…I plan to go into 2017 armed with my heart and soul leading the way like never before…I wont’ be naive but I also won’t be fearful, for life awaits with the sweetest advances…beckoning me to live with full abandon of what held me captive in 2016. Much love and Happy New Year

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Reverie

The cold slows me down but triggers my inner fire to keep me going.

Now is the time to write to my heart’s desire… We are nearing the end of another year and I embrace the coming of a new one with absolutely no fear. If I came this far, then I can only go farther…Music soothes my soul as I write…I spent this morning having tea and thinking deeply. I am turning the pages in the book of my life with certainty…certain that this new year will no doubt bring out the best in me. All that I have been holding back is coming back around with full force…a new beginning, a new face grinning in the sunshine…at all of the possibilities. Sometime, I get caught up in the ecstasy of my thoughts; wishing that I could be living a certain way, but shut them down to my dismay…but why? My desires are not too extraordinary at all, and if I wish, I can fit all of it into my heart. I have found ways to stay strong through it all, to keep moving in a specific direction even when my soul is no longer glowing. That is not living, it is going through the motions, being mundane and inundated with outdated modes of thinking. I know I deserve to wake every day with promise; promise to be the best woman, mother and lover I can be…I embrace my reveries and my soul dances with passion at the mere thought of the depths I desire to reach. And so, with many years behind me of just accepting what was, I now move forward with what will be.

There is promise in these words as I type them, strength…seeds being planted in the darkness of winter which will bloom in the Spring.¬†

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A year of healing…rekindling my spirit

We are coming to the ending of another year; 2014 and I’m reflecting on everything that has happened in my life. I really gained momentum towards the end of this year and I am ready now to gallop into 2015 as the horse I am. As I think about how this year has impacted me, I am filled with thankfulness. I stepped up and out of my fears and cleared the space for new pathways. Forgiveness wrapped herself around my heart and others when I opened up about things that had been hurting my soul for too long. Emotional healing took place and filled my Spirit with hope for the future. New relationships began this year and I realized how important human connection is with other kindred spirits and was moved by the authenticity of them. I experienced my first womb massage and energetic cleansing of my womb space. The experience allowed me to really tune into the inherent power I have as a woman and I felt more positively connected with my womb afterward.

 

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I wanted to release anything I had been holding so deep in my center in order to make room for new creativity and all of the potential there is. I thought of how letting go can be so strengthening to the mind, body and spirit even when it is difficult to do so. I had to let go of a lot of things…preconceived notions, relationships, fear, pain, anger and doubt. One doesn’t realize how much they are holding unto until they begin to feel lighter and actually see themselves in a new reality, one that doesn’t allow for baggage. My state of mind needed cleansing as well, from the excess “thoughts” that had taken up way too much space and time. Through affirmations, meditation, writing and finding new ways of communicating authentically, my mind has found healing. There has been doubt, there was hesitation and there was also anxiety as I went through these changes. It is not easy to break patterns that have been a way of life for so long, but it is indeed possible. I knew that in order to allow light to illuminate from within, I had to remove what has been blocking it so that it could shine. I learned more about myself as a woman and my purpose. I evaluated my current relationships and many epiphanies were revealed, much of the past came out in tears and also in anger as stagnant energy was released. The beauty of those moments was that, I could pinpoint why I was so sad, I connected the dots. I owned my emotions and disappointments, not putting myself down for those feelings but embracing myself with just a bit more empathy. ¬†Communication became more important for me, more than it ever has before. Assumptions are bred from ignorance, misunderstandings and not communicating. The more I practiced ways of communicating authentically, the easier it became to express myself. I still have my moments, but I try not to take things so personally when it comes to communication. Time that was spent in the silence of nature so that I could also hear my own voice gave me life. Natures’ music touched my soul in the form of trees rustling, waves splashing, birds calling and serene breezes. There is excitement, anticipation and hope for the new year ahead. I see my path unfolding before me and I am ready to go wherever spirit leads me…

saeedakhtar