Remembering Him; My Sun

On April 1, 2009, six years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy…perfect in every way…his life changed mine forever; he grew me like a tiny tree…I didn’t get to hear him cry for the first time, nurse him from my breast, change his first diaper or even watch him grow…no…it was not to be. See, he challenged me, he helped me to go deep within to a place that longed to see the light; my Spirit. He was with me for all of 7 months during my pregnancy; so connected were we. I felt his every nudge, every strong kick in the ribs…and I smiled, anxious to meet him. When he was born, I gave him the name Samuel Isaiah. I’ve always loved the name Isaiah, it had such a strong ring to it…and he was a strong boy. So strong that the Creator needed him more than I did. And so, I painfully said hello when he was born and goodbye to what could have been; a beautiful relationship between Mother and Sun. My boy would have been six years old this year; laughing, jumping, playing and looking at me with big, beautiful, brown eyes full of wonder…I did look in his eyes when he was born; they seemed sad…maybe he was sad for me, that we could not be together anymore…Still, he is there, I always feel him…in the warm sunshine, or even through the smiles of other baby boys that I’m blessed to see, I know he is there…My Sun. Perhaps one day, I will have the chance again…to touch my womb, ripe with life, and be filled with excitement about what will be. These words, I dedicate to you my baby boy; I love you always…Mama ❤

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