I want to share some things that have been happening in my life. First of all, I deleted my Facebook account! I have deactivated my account before and stayed off of it for a few weeks…but I would go back. A couple of weeks ago, I simply deleted it and haven’t turned back. It was time to just go through with it…Things seemed so stagnant for me on Facebook. I honestly felt like I was drowning in a sea of folks whose faces I have never even seen, yet they could see so much of my private life. Yes, it was helpful to have ways that I could control my account, but that’s just it! Facebook was actually controlling my actions subconsciously, more than I felt comfortable with. And I didn’t make the connection until I was fully disconnected from it. Who would notice my absence? What were my days like before I even had an account? I have always enjoyed deep communication, and sharing common interests, it is the stuff of life. I was on Facebook for roughly about ten years. It was fun engaging in conversations with people from all over the world; some which turned into physical friendships and relationships that may have never happened without Facebook.
So honestly, I am thankful for what I gained but I am also observant. You can only squeeze so much juice out of a fruit before it has nothing left, only memories of its sweet nectar. Perhaps I will return but in my own time, and I will start fresh. Facebook wouldn’t be as popular among its users if we took the time to look at our own lives and cherish them. It can be a great deterrent to what is truly important. These days, I am busy getting my writing goals up to par, entertaining more book ideas, gardening, spending time each day giving thanks and checking out other social media platforms. I felt a little sad about my blog posts not being automatically shared via Facebook but then I thought of the new experiences I am destined for. I think about how I have to give birth to a new me; which is timely being that my birthday is very close now.
Often, the biggest decisions are made on the spur of the moment but end up having a great impact on our future. Every minute of our lives counts and how we decide to spend our time is ours to choose. I love that I am growing and changing under the sun; regenerating myself. I didn’t make a big announcement when I decided to delete my account, I just did it. I knew my tribe, my biggest fans, my friends and my heart strings would feel me; even in my unspoken way of going about this. I also didn’t want to impose my decision on others; it was my personal choice and I felt at peace. So that is honestly all that mattered. Cheers!
It is nice to know there is another word out there besides “freelancer, writer, journalist” and such…”scripturient” has an authentic ring to it!…I am already used to feeling so much passion in my words…which is why I write.
I have my mother to thank in many ways for my love of writing…I remember how she kept tons of notebooks, journals, and stationery for just that. We don’t talk much about it and I don’t know if she has ever entertained writing a book. I have shared some of my work with her and she would smile and thank me for sharing. They say writers have the best penmanship and I do believe that to an extent. I had never seen so many loops, twists, curls and just pure fancy as I had with the way my mother writes her words. She makes it look so very beautiful, mysterious and creative; like calligraphy. She also can write in shorthand; which I haven’t mastered that as yet…she would tell me she learned it many years ago and used it when she worked. Perhaps I will share this post with her…and ask her if she has ever heard of the word; scripturient. She is a stickler for learning new words and using them in a sentence…Goodness knows how many words I learned as a child through my mother’s extensive vocabulary. The word “rambunctious” comes to mind as she was always using it with me, and I laughed because of how silly it sounded to my young ears.
I like that I can remember the sweet beginnings of my journey as a writer, the “diary” I had when I turned 11 years old, the stories I wrote for children I babysat, and my beloved poetry. There is passion in words, life-giving affirmation, and beauty. It is a gift when others share their words; one that should be cherished.
I was once out in the ocean in Florida on a blustery day and had not taken too much caution in swimming that day…I waded in the shallow ends, immersing myself as the waves crashed furiously. It happened so fast; I found myself far away from the shore within minutes…I became very frightened when my feet were no longer touching the sand…I looked at the shore, at my babies watching in sheer terror as I seemingly kept floating away…At that moment, though there was literally nothing to grasp; I grasped onto hope…A sense of calm filled my beating heart and I began to swim sideways under the water…I could not go forward, and so I swam like an octopus, in energy filled spurts; wishing for extra legs and swimming like I had them. I had to take brief rest stops so that I would not become exhausted. I felt the fear leaving my soul as I miraculously made it closer to shore…I could hear the cries of my children beckoning me to come closer and I could see their little bodies jumping up and down…Someone came out to meet me in the water to help me walk the rest of the way…
I embraced my children and we connected deeply about what had just taken place…From that day on, I had a most profound shift in respect for Mama Earth; for her deep waters…because for a short moment that felt like forever, I was a miniscule fish that could have been drowned within minutes…I remember to honor Yemaya whenever I visit the ocean especially…she is not to be taken for granted. I honor the water signs and their deep emotions, absorbing their wisdom helps me to grow in my emotions and to be fluid, soft yet consistent in how I flow. They have a strong pull on my heart just as the moon does with the waves of the Ocean…This was a true story; my story of surviving a riptide!! It is also a story of my deep reverence for water and it’s inherent power…Salute ❤
Crystalline waters washing through my soul…I love the gentle nature of water and respect it’s powerful existence…It is soft enough to cleanse my thoughts, yet strong enough to drown anything that dares to stand in its way. I hear them, the waves; colliding against my solid frame, each one calls my name. I become one with her, watching as my body melts into the sand like a shell buried so deep, a special shell to find and keep.
It seems like time stood still for this moment…look at those eyes, staring into my soul, this photo will never grow old…”We see you Mama,” they seem to say…forever etched in my heart, forever in a day…I promise I have pictures of almost every moment in their lives and I treasure them. Some pictures seem to speak out loud when Eye look at them and this is one of them. “Mama, I want to wear my Fall vest!” “This necklace will match my shirt”…Oh, yes, I smile about each moment with precise recollection…My soul is filled with sweetness, like wild honey in my favorite mug of tea…they know me like no one else and I love them like the precious flowers they are…blooming so tall and strong.
I listen when they tell me things…they are wise old souls even though I am the Mama…I learn from them as they teach me…
One day, we will share stories together when they are all grown up and they will feel different then…those same stories that I tell at their request…like my mother does with me…she becomes so animated at what she remembers and what she’s seen in her lifetime. And that is how it goes…share and remember, keep the memories alive and pass them onward so that they will always know how much they are truly loved…
Because some days, I miss the ocean and her waves with the deepest of intensity…but I know she is within me…I remember days where I’d dig my feet deep into the hot sand and replenish my spirit by going for it; diving deep into her waters and feeling so refreshed. I miss seeing the moon rise over her and gazing upon her, casting a magical glow that seemed to stretch for miles…
I loved how my body felt weightless as I’d let go and just float on my back in the salty sea, gazing upward at the sun…laughter and peace surrounded me and sometimes seaweed and small fish…I’m thinking of special memories made at the beach.
Wolves have been in my field like crazy! I admire this beautiful spirit animal for its devotion to the pack, steadfastness, and lure, like the moon…Oh and those eyes…I would love to see wolves in the wild someday; perhaps my dream will come true…My youngest daughter has been drawing wolves as well and I found it very interesting how connected she and I are…The most magical and powerful animals seem so far away yet are so close…until then, they are in my dreams, howling intensely at the moon…
Mood, music and memories… Nobody like Hall and Oats to get my memory juices flowing…takes me away to a time when love was so beautifully urgent that people wrote stories in the form of songs. I salute the music that has come and gone, leaving us with sweet memories…”One on One”…#HallandOates
I told my girls the other day that even though I’ve always been protective of them from day one, I’m now like a Mama Grizzly Bear…they thought it was humorous but then understood fully what I meant about protecting them and looking out for them on another level. I don’t want my girls growing up in fear at all but just awareness, a deep awareness that not all who smiles along with them or looks at them with a smile on their face will mean them good. I told them that usually it’s the mother in nature that will do the most physical damage if she senses anything that could harm her babies; they are her reflection and life force and it’s so important to maintain the bond. Gone are the days when I had to remind my children to look both ways to cross a street and to pick them up (literally) when they were afraid or hurt. We have a deep bond but it is now becoming more intuitive…I’m helping to instill in them how important it is to trust their intuition, their inner voice in all that they do because I am not around them all of the time and they have to remember what Mama has taught them. It’s kind of scary to think about and I have my days where I don’t want to let them go…but I know I have to. They will learn through example and will feel free to test their young wings out when they fly from the nest, though they will always know Mama will be there…
Sweet Nairobi, it’s so hard to believe you are gone…I kind of had a feeling that you would be leaving soon…but of course I didn’t want you to. I felt sadness creep in, kind of preparing me for what was to come. I can still feel your soft fur and see your cute eyes dart back and forth when I’d play around with you. You were the epitome of love.
I recall so many precious memories of you-so many that I could write a book about you.But the most heart-warming memories are those that I have of you and the girls. You were with them for all of their young lives. Babyhood, toddler, preschool, elementary, middle and high school. You were their angel; watching over them always…How can I begin to thank you, Nairobi? I miss you so much.
Seventeen years of unconditional love; you will be missed Sweet Girl, Duchess (as my mom lovingly referred to you), “Full Moon Ob”, Goddess, you were all of that. You went peacefully in your sleep surrounded by the love of your family, your girls.
You were a rare treasure and now you have your angel wings…I love you, Nairobi. ❤
Mamas everywhere, they make the world go around…it is not just enough to give her one day to remember her. She is just too special. There forever in a day, her spirit so strong and intuitive. She always knows…my mom called me this morning and sang to me over the phone. I could have cried! Her voice was so sweet…I told her that I feel that I’m a good mother because of her…she smiled through the phone, I felt it. I said mama, for you I’m truly grateful. Sacrifices they make, risks they take, promises that sometimes break and through tearful eyes she still rises…mothers; some are no longer here with us but are now only in our hearts as a memory, for those who are remembering their mamas and their embrace, know that she is there still beckoning a smile upon your precious face. I long for the day when mothers will receive the recognition that is due…we still have a long way to go. Mothers give life and praise us when we feel that we have sunk too low in the depths of despair…I can always count on my mother to care. There have been times when I’ve doubted myself, feeling like I could do better by my babies, wanting to give them all that I can…how I adore the little people in my life that remind me gently; mama you already have. I trust their words, and believe in them so much, it’s nothing like their innocent touch…I know what it is like to have a piece of my heart outside of myself…true love indeed, they’ve taught me so much about unconditional love and perseverance, I love to hear their laughter any chance I can get… “Mother is the word for God in the lips and hearts of little children”~William Makepeace Thackeray <3.