For those of you that don’t know…I am now ready to tell. I’m in the process of moving and starting a new chapter in my life…in Michigan. When I first came here last summer, I felt some sweet magic about this place; Detroit in particular. I couldn’t pinpoint it, I only knew what I felt and what I still feel when I am here. I’m not one to over explain myself when it comes to what is best for me these days…action is way more important. Why Michigan? Well, for a myriad of reasons; the cost of living is cheaper, personal life changes, and really and truly, coming into my own. I’m very private, but when I’m ready to share my journey it pours out of me like the gift of rain after a long drought.
Rewind about sixteen years ago; I was in my first year of college in North Carolina, getting used to my new-found freedom. But I was only meant to be there for a year…I moved to Florida at age 19 and started school again when I arrived. My mother, older sister, niece and nephew had already moved to Florida and so there I joined them. A part of me always felt torn at first, like; “why I am here?” Even in my younger years, I wanted to have a reason for major decisions in my life, but this one seemed to be more of a decision that my mother made for me. I do not feel regret at all for this decision like I used to…time and experiences have a way of “growing us”. I met the man who would become the father to our two daughters, and later my husband.
Beautiful, life lasting relationships were created while I lived in Florida and though many of those relationships have changed; they still resonate in my heart and are a part of me and my journey. My daughters are now young ladies and are growing ever so quickly. In 2006 we (my daughters and I) moved to Maryland (where I was born and raised) and 2 years of our lives were spent there. Soaking up family energy is what I needed to do at that time, but we returned to Florida. Sunshine warmed me, beaches called me and friendships grew from the seeds already planted…I began to blossom even more. I went back to school after a needed “mommy” break of raising my girls until they began school themselves. I felt like I had a mission to complete and so I looked into becoming a doula; a woman who provides emotional and physical support for laboring and new mothers. I loved the work I did…and the memories I now have of being in that sacred space for my clients. It made me think about becoming more in the world of birth and new motherhood. And so, my dreams now consist of becoming a future midwife; in Michigan!
So, yes, there truly have been so many changes on the horizon. It seems to be a mutual understanding from my family that moving to Michigan is a very positive change. They support me and have shared their happiness for me…and so have my friends in Florida. I love the coffee shops, the culture, the art and there’s a myriad of authentic markets. Good conversation starts at the drop of a dime and the soul of the people here is so strong. My girls enjoy the different places to eat, the art and the different seasons. I am looking for homes in the city as well as around the city. I’m not afraid of opinions, I’m afraid of not taking chances and regret. What does this mean for my family? Well, yes, change almost always means letting go of things as they were; I have let go of a lot in my life; particularly in Florida. Subconsciously, visiting the ocean always helped me to remember this…as I’d watch the waves come in and go back out just so…it always made me realize how fleeting time is. I did a lot of healing in Florida and mostly because it just was the place to do so…some changes I didn’t see coming, but it doesn’t mean they were bad changes. My marriage is one of these changes; my husband and I are no longer together, we are friends now and forever parents to our daughters; a new relationship has started for us. This isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new understanding. For a while, I felt like I failed…but why? Did I have too much of society’s expectations on my shoulders? Perhaps…but again, I do not regret this reality; I embrace it for what it has taught me. Sometimes; friendship comes in and saves the day or the moment. Our children will always know that their mama and daddy love them because they came from love; they don’t know anything else from their parents but love. Even though it was difficult at first, I didn’t want to be bitter after such a huge change. My happiness is a choice; always…my husband didn’t take my happiness away, it was always there. Yes, I cried and felt so broken for a while and confused…but my Spirit kept me strong. Not to mention my girls…talk about resilient!
I’m so thankful that they chose us to be their parents. I don’t know if I would have grown as much as I have without their presence. I think it is because of them that we are able to still maintain a friendship; their dad and I. And so, there it is…my life now…I really had a lot to say…I feel good though, that I shared. I needed to…this piece was long overdue. Florida will always be my second home and the first for my girls. That is a most beautiful truth that I will always cherish.
Love, Life and Good Vibes.