It’s not always easy to come to grips with the choices we have made in relationships, choices that made us look at love so differently, not to mention ourselves. I most recently took an online course about releasing past relationships, and it really made me go within and release so much that was still stagnant in my heart and womb space. As I allowed my heart to revisit moments that will stay with me forever; I allowed myself to be human again; to see my myself without all of the judgement that I had knowingly impressed upon myself for the choices I made in the past. Each relationship that I opened my heart up to and my sacred womb space taught me so much and brought me to where I am now…Yes, everything I decided to do has had a ripple effect in my life in one way or another, but would I be the woman I am today without these experiences? Would I be as strong as I am now; even though I have felt so weak before?
As I went through the meditations and visualizations within the course; I felt stagnation melt from within, I felt my heart opening up and I learned how to tap into the power of my sacred womb space. As I released and reopened those main corridors to love, I thought of how everything happens at the right time. Maybe I could have avoided many pitfalls in my past had I known what I know now…but maybe those so called pitfalls were needed to help me elevate my thinking and be more open to what had been closed before. I wouldn’t have known how to utilize such powerful energy if I had learned about it prematurely. Perhaps it would have even been dismissed due to my lack of understanding. We all receive what we need at the appointed time, that is the truth. I was ready for these changes in my life, ready to embrace my experiences and place them in the “web” of my life. No longer do I recall some of the painful experiences in my relationships with disdain or regret; as I cannot change my past. I felt tears run down my face at some points as I remembered choices I myself made out of anger or fear and I held them over my head like a gray cloud; a constant reminder of the things I can never change. What I was subconsciously doing was making myself feel unworthy of love, telling myself I was deserving of whatever consequences I had reaped from such choices. But that was not healing, it was condemnation. We tend to do that as women, as strong as we really are and can be, we can allow such hurtful thoughts to overtake our spirits and play on our psyche.
This course also taught me how to stand strong in my power, something I hadn’t been doing before. I was too afraid, I felt this power, I knew and still know that when I love, I love deeply. It is a gift that I don’t have to feel ashamed of anymore, I can be proud of this aspect. Many times though, I felt that my love would be enough to change circumstances or move mountains, but I had to realize I can only change myself; what is the saying? “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” That is my ultimate goal; to continue to blossom and grow the wings of a butterfly; leaving the “safety” of my cocoon behind.